Writing about Writing

I love the reading and I love the idea of being a writer. I loved Dan in Gossip Girl and Lucas in One Tree Hill and how they had such a way with words - they could make people feel things, hurt people, save people. and change people. I, on the other hand, have a blog no one knows about because I don't think I write about anything worth reading. I always admire people who write articles for Her Campus or Hello Giggles or run a successful blog but I've always struggled to find the inspiration to write a novel or a short story or even a continuous blog. My posts usually end up being rants or late night thoughts if I'm really inspired enough to start writing.
The problem is starting. Once I think about something and start typing the words flow, whether or not they're good and it's not a problem, but I could sit and stare at my computer screen for an hour not knowing what to write.
Writing is like a guilty pleasure that I also kind of hate - mostly because I read other things and am in awe and jealous that I'm not as good with words. I think it would be awesome one day to write a blog like Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City, or publish a novel, and I feel like I should've had enough experience by now to be able to write one, but how does a pretty average, basic, white girl from a generic American suburb find something incredible to write about?
I'd like to believe I'm not as average as I appear. I always try to be more interesting - to have more to me and be complex and wildly inspirational - the kind of person people meet and say "she's going places" the problem is I have no idea where I'm going. I liked radio for a while, I still love music and editing sound but I don't see a career in it. I love my business classes but I also feel like there's always so much to know. I like reading and editing but being an English major doesn't sound appealing. So what am I left with? For now business, I just hope that I can be more than an average business person - that I can do something to change how people think or help people grow. I think that's really what I want to do - leave an impact.

Fitting In vs. Being True to Yourself

When you go to a Big Ten school many things are considered normal; getting up at 4:00 AM to start drinking, wearing your sorority or fraternity letters to the gym and just about everywhere else you go, working hard and partying harder, being proud of your athletes, etc.  I came to IU thinking these were all things I wanted to be a part of.
What I've learned since coming to college is that these things are not for everyone. Being required to be at a sorority house whenever you're told and having social obligations of going out every weekend at least once or twice, if not more, are not obligations I want to have. I realized being in a sorority is not for me. The thing that bothers me is how people in sororities don't realize that. I went to Florida over Spring Break and was at the pool, wearing a B-Town shirt, when a girl wearing her sorority letters comes up to me to ask if I go to IU. I tell her yes and among her first three questions is "Are you in a sorority?". Obviously I said no and the conversation ended with her inviting me to come party with her during Little 500. Many times if you tell a sorority girl you are not in one, they will give you an answer along the lines of "oh, I'm sorry to hear that". The possibility that you decided to drop, or even not rush at all - that you did not want to be in one, is rarely considered. There's a sense of entitlement gained from being in a sorority - that because they were selected to be given a bid based on looks, personality, whatever it is, they are better than you, when in reality, they could just have completely different interests and priorities than you.  Non-Greeks are called GDI's for a reason - we are God Damn proud to be Independent.
The only disappointing part of being a GDI at a school such as IU, is that if you live in Northwest, social lives revolve around Greek life. This past weekend was Quals - a weekend for the Greeks to start drinking at 4 AM Saturday morning and keep it going until 4 AM Sunday, as if they really needed an excuse. Many of the other dorms and clubs at IU will have their own Little 5 bike teams, take for example, the Teter residence and the IU Nursing Club. Foster, McNutt and Briscoe, however, have probably never had their own Little 5 team, which means, if you live in any of these 3 buildings and are not in Greek life, Quals probably just means a quiet Saturday for you, which for me at least, makes you feel bad that you have no team to cheer on and no where to be. But that would mean not being true to yourself if Greek life is not for you. It's hard to sit back and watch the people you know having a great time being drunk all day and celebrating "Qualidays", but is there any solace is knowing you're not lying to yourself, trying to be someone you're not? What if you don't really know who you are or what you're not?
I saw myself being a sorority girl, going to tailgates and Little 5, wearing letters, throwing "what you know" up in the air at the beach over breaks, going to frats, and when I got here and as time progresses I realized that was never going to be me, but if I know that's not who I am why is it so hard to accept that's never who I'll be?
Probably because although it's not me, I'm still surrounded by it. My friends are in sororities, there's at least one person in each of my classes in a sorority if I had to guess, and my roommate is in one so when big-little week came it looked like a sorority threw up all over my room. What not going Greek taught me was that it was time to find myself and find where I did belong.

5 Things I Have Learned About Living with a Roommate

1. Don't be afraid to voice your concerns. Chances are they have no idea that what they're doing is bothering you. It may be awkward but it'll be worth it in the end. 

2. Be considerate. If you ever want them to be considerate of you it's best if you show you're willing to do the same for them. 

3. Coordinate your schedules. Everyone wants to be able to have some time to themselves in their own room. This goes for sleeping too. If your schedules conflict completely try to find a way to compromise with what lights stay on or what level of noise is acceptable during what times of the day. 

4. Choose wisely and be honest about yourself and your habits. If you're not your roommate may end up resenting you for it or vice versa and that's not the living situation you want.

5. Don't be afraid to do you. Don't forget it's your room too. Stand up for yourself when the situation arises. 

What if Things Do Happen For a Reason?

What if sometimes feelings a little bit of emptiness is good for the soul? What if it means that we did a good job of finding things we cared about enough to feel the pain of losing them. Isn't it better to have had then then lost it than to never have had it? I believe sometimes sorrow is good. Mourning too. It brings us back to reality. It reminds us of what is important. When someone loses a family member, in Jewish tradition family and friends from far and near come to support them and be there for them. The people who arrive at the funeral and stay the week to sit Shiva with the family show how much of an effect the individual who passed away had on the world and on all of these people who cared about him/her and his/her family. Those friends don't fill the emptiness of the hole the individual left completely but they remind us there are ways to ease the pain and shrink the hole, even if it's just by a little. Death is a very powerful thing. It brings us together.  It reminds us to hold on to what we have and to treasure it and not just take it for granted. If you believe the phrase "everything happens for a reason" holds true, then death is not the be-all and end-all. Neither is cancer, disease or destruction for that matter. These life events show us that we can be strong and rise up against any challenge or obstacle in our way. They show us how lucky we are to have such great support systems. I believe the world never throws us something it knows we can't handle. But if life were to happy and easy and have no heart break or loss, would it really be considered living? The real challenge in life is finding the good in situations and believing in that. It's easy to mope and feel bad for yourself and you can try all you want to get other people to feel sorry for you too but that's pitiful, I think. The best way to get help is to help yourself. Maintaining a positive outlook can make all the difference. Granted, sometimes it's good to cry and let the tears and feelings out. Sometimes the only way to move ahead is to let go of the past. But it's not about how long you cry; it's about what you do after you cry. Do you crawl into bed with a tub of ice cream and refuse to leave for the next few days, or do you sleep on it and wake up in the morning with a fresh mind, ready for a new day? The key is to keep moving forward.

The Camp Life

If you want a poor paying summer job that will send you home exhausted, sweaty, and smelling like chlorine, summer camp counselor is the job for you. For seven hours a day, five days a week, for eight weeks, your life will consist of chasing campers, doing bathroom runs, cleaning up messes, and trying to get them to change just a little bit faster in the hopes of getting to your next activity on time. However, tons of teenagers and young adults apply each year to camps across the east coast to try and be counselors. The reason is not the pay, or the great work experience, but the kids. Working with kids provides you a summer of memories, laughs, and a camp family.
When your campers want to hold your hand, sit next to you at lunch, and finally get to know your name it makes you feel like you're doing it right. When campers in other groups want to get to know you too, it makes it even better. Having kids run from their counselors to make sure they can give you a hug before they move on makes you feel special. Working as a camp counselor is sometimes an ego boost, because it reminds you that little children look up to you and think you are an all around awesome person, but it also teaches you important values.
Being a camp counselor makes you put your campers first and forces you to become more selfless. Whether it is giving piggy back rides on really hot days, or walking the extra distance to fill up water bottles, your biggest concern becomes keeping them healthy and happy. This includes, but is not limited to, making sure everyone has food before you can get yours, putting cream cheese on bagels while wishing you could take just one bite of your own food, making lots of lanyard, dropping everything at inconvenient times to take kids to the bathroom, trying to remember to always carry band-aids in your backpack, countless counting to make sure no campers got lost in the process and helping them put on and take off wet clothes before and after water activities.
I won't lie and say there aren't downsides to working at a camp because I know first hand that there are plenty, but the relationship that forms between campers and counselors makes it all worthwhile.

On Being an Influence

I feel as if I have been dealing with a lot of corrupt systems lately. It has taught me a) that the world is a corrupt place and b) that in a corrupt system, it is entirely up to you to make it so that you can get what you want. The world is not a fair place and bad things happen to good people. It has taught me a lot about myself and about what I am capable of. I learned I have the ability to make a difference in other peoples lives. This is huge. It may seem small but it can completely catch you off guard when someone tells you their life has changed for the better because of knowing you. Being an influence makes you realize that everything you did had a purpose. Your actions did not go unrecognized. You are appreciated and there is now one happier person in the world because of you. It is humbling but also an ego boost. When you think about people who have influenced you before, you question if you made a dent on anyone else's life. To know that you indeed have is something worth living for. In this corrupt world I spoke of before, I did not always get the award I wanted, the position I applied for, or win the election I ran in. I went without a title and felt as though all the hard work I have put into the activities I am involved in was for nothing. That all changes when someone tells you that you helped them better themselves. That is an honor only given to those who earn it and deserve it and is better than any title you could ever hold.

Get Excited. Get Inspired. Get Involved.

Inspiration isn't always easy to find. It likes to play hide and seek and it is a professional at hiding. When you’re down on your luck, preoccupied with work, or unhappy it can be hard to be creative and passionate, but once it sparks, it ignited a flame. I got started thinking about the summer and applying to be a Maccabiah (Color War) co chair for my week of encampment at the end of the summer. I started looking up color war ideas and when I saw the words “fake break”, I found real inspiration. Memories of camp color war fake breaks and real color war breaks flooded my mind, from limos with fake celebrities to helicopter candy drops, I lost track of everything else I was doing and zoned in. An hour flew by without notice, but afterwards I had before me and entire page filled with ideas for ways to make an amazing Maccabiah. Once I was on the camp mindset I got thinking about my talk with my German host sister from the summer of 2011 about camp and started writing a possible college application essay about what camp means to me. It is a very good thing I finished my homework for the weekend yesterday because I would not have been able to do it now after drawing up so much creativity towards Maccabiah. A friend of mine had the slogan “Get Excited. Get Inspired. Get Involved.” This slogan is the epitome of how to draw inspiration. Find something worth getting excited about. Find your inspiration for it- bing it, google it, yahoo it, urban dictionary it, or even real dictionary it. Then go for it. Make it happen. Do something worthwhile and don’t let that creativity go to waste.